The Laws of Marriage that ultimately eclipse the seven wedding vows

The seven vows that a couple takes during a wedding are meant to guide them towards a happy married life. However, as life progresses, the seven wedding vows are eclipsed by the seven laws of marriage.

An Indian wedding is incomplete without the seven vows as per Hindu traditions. It seems life will be picture-perfect henceforth. But as time passes, those seven wedding vows get overshadowed. This phase is called “Adjustment,” and it is controlled by a totally new set of laws of marriage. I am sure that every couple will relate to this set of seven laws of marriage.

The law of negotiation is the first of the seven laws of marriage.

A married couple has to face a whole lot of issues daily, and it’s impossible to agree on all of them. Life starts with an early morning dilemma every day. Who will open the main door once the maid rings the doorbell? On the other hand, who will make the morning cup of tea? These are real-time issues that need to be addressed. If the couple can resolve the issue at the earliest, they can begin the day with a real good morning. It means finding a common ground after negotiations – the husband will open the main door while the wife will prepare the tea.

As per this law, both partners need to be good negotiators to achieve their objectives. If the husband has to attend a late-night party after office hours, then the wife knows that this is the best time to get a long-pending social commitment fulfilled. She may ask her husband to accompany her the coming weekend to her parents’ house. Similarly, it works the other way round. If the wife wants an expensive gift on her birthday, she will have to start working on it some two weeks before. This rigmarole may involve things like making husbands favourite dishes at home, arguing less with him, and ensuring he remains in a good mood during that period, etc.

The Law of non-appreciation

This law is relative to the number of years of marriage. The older the marriage, the stronger the effect of the law. When a couple is newly married, every action of a partner is appreciated by the other. The husband compliments his wife on the new saree that she is wearing at a family wedding. Similarly, he makes it a point to appreciate her cooking skills amongst his friends. On a date night, the husband tells her how beautiful she looks.

The wife also plays a similar role and appreciates the smart dressing sense of her husband. He also gets compliments on his sense of humor and his compassion towards others.

As time passes, the appreciation gets less and less. Now, when the wife takes time to get dressed up for a wedding function, she hardly gets any appreciation. Instead, she gets blamed for the delay. Her new saree goes totally unnoticed by the husband. On the other hand, the same husband’s friends, whose company she used to enjoy earlier, have now turned into villains. She abhors the idea of her husband spending too much time with them and blames him for ignoring her at the party.

The Law of Criticism

With the passage of time, this law becomes much stronger. I would say that out of the seven laws of marriage, this one is one of the most important. Every action of the spouse (read criticism) is met with a stronger and opposite reaction by the other partner. If the wife is planning to buy a new outfit for an upcoming wedding, the husband asks her if she really needs one. With the kind of collection in her wardrobe, she can easily start a new retail outlet. The wife also is not someone who will take the criticism quietly. She tells him that, compared to his shoe collection, her wardrobe still has some breathing space.

One of the major trigger points for a showdown is when the husband makes a comparison. This is the most dangerous territory that even men with a strong heart don’t enter. Imagine a dinner party at home with friends feasting at the dining table. One of the friends compliments the wife on the kheer that she has made. The husband remarks that the taste of the kheer that his mom used to make still lingers in his memory. This leads to an Apocalyptic war that will carry on for months.

The Law of Rhetoric

In most arguments at home, husbands tend to speak at a higher pitch and often get warned by their partner to keep their volume low. “Dheere bole saara mohalla jaag jayega”. It’s like a bazooka launching a rocket that breaks the sound barrier.

The wife, on the other hand, being a female, speaks in a much lower decibel. But whatever she says strikes like a kamikaze drone getting launched without any sound. It fails to appear on the enemy radar but creates maximum destruction. The husband is taken aback as his radar never picked up the sarcasm coming his way.

Action and Reaction – one of the most important Laws of Marriage

This law of marriage is inspired by Newton’s third law of motion. To keep a balance in nature, every action of one partner has to be matched with an equal and opposite reaction by the other. If the husband invites his sister and brother-in-law for drinks and dinner, then this gesture has to be repeated for his in-laws’ family.

A husband gets a 65-inch colour TV to watch his favourite cricket matches on a large screen. To maintain a balance at home, he has to match it by fulfilling his spouse’s demand for a new 7-seater sofa-set. The best example of this law of marriage is visible during an argument that starts when one party blames the other party’s parents for a particular incident. This action meets a strong response from the other side, and ultimately he also drags the other party’s parents into the drill.

The Law of Numbness

There comes a time when one of the partners goes numb altogether. He or she knows arguing with the other party will not lead anywhere. It’s like a war between the US and Iran where one knows the US will never win. He/she decides to keep quiet and go with the flow. Peace is preferred over arguments even if it means surrendering.

The kids are most scared of this law as they have to play the role of United Nations Peacekeeping force at home. All communications are routed through them. If dinner is laid out, then mom will ask the daughter to inform dad. Similarly, if dad is going to be late from the office, he will leave the message with the son to be delivered to mom.

The Law of togetherness

The kids at home sometimes wonder how come mom and dad, who had such a heated debate in the morning, are now acting so lovey-dovey at an evening party. To understand this, one has to understand the Law of togetherness in marriage.

Marriage is a bond that is not easy to break. It may go through some friction and rough patches during its course. But in the end, both the partners know that they can’t live in isolation and need each other’s company to enjoy life.

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